if you knew your unborn child had cf would you abort it

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Nixe

New member
I see two separate questions here, one being the more general "should people bring kids with cf into the world?" and "as a person with CF would you have a kid with cf?" It's the second one that I find more complicated.

I don't regret being born, nor do I regret being born with cf. I don't think that a kid with cf would have such terrible quality of life that they'd be better off not being born. There are much worse fates.

But if I found someone with whom I wanted to have children, and then I found out that he was a carrier, would I take the risk? On one hand I always think, who better than a CFer to have a kid with it, at least we kind of know what they're going through. But on the other hand, I hestitate because a kid with CF needs parents who can be there for him/her, and I worry that when my health is failing I will not be able to give that child or young adult all the care they deserve. This is NOT to say that I think kids w/o cf are perfectly self-sufficient and that if their mom is off dying, no biggie, they can take care of themselves. That's certainly not the case; I just think that if I couldn't be there for a kid with cf it would be a bigger failure.

Anyway, there are no easy answers, and I respect the people in this thread who've had the guts to be honest.
 
N

Nixe

New member
I see two separate questions here, one being the more general "should people bring kids with cf into the world?" and "as a person with CF would you have a kid with cf?" It's the second one that I find more complicated.

I don't regret being born, nor do I regret being born with cf. I don't think that a kid with cf would have such terrible quality of life that they'd be better off not being born. There are much worse fates.

But if I found someone with whom I wanted to have children, and then I found out that he was a carrier, would I take the risk? On one hand I always think, who better than a CFer to have a kid with it, at least we kind of know what they're going through. But on the other hand, I hestitate because a kid with CF needs parents who can be there for him/her, and I worry that when my health is failing I will not be able to give that child or young adult all the care they deserve. This is NOT to say that I think kids w/o cf are perfectly self-sufficient and that if their mom is off dying, no biggie, they can take care of themselves. That's certainly not the case; I just think that if I couldn't be there for a kid with cf it would be a bigger failure.

Anyway, there are no easy answers, and I respect the people in this thread who've had the guts to be honest.
 
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Ricky123

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>lightNlife</b></i>

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Emily65Roses</b></i>



But then if I got raped and pregnant, I can honestly say I'd probably want to abort it. </end quote></div>



That's what I thought too when I was in that exact situation. However, I eventually realized that I didn't want to add more violence to the situation. I decided to make an adoption plan so that the child could grow up with the benefit of a 2 parent home where he would not have to compete with CF for my and my husband's time and energy.



<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Ricky123</b></i>



i bet many wouldent opt to come on this earth</end quote></div>



</end quote></div>



Huh? What a bizarre thing to say. It makes no sense and has absolutely no basis in reality.</end quote></div>

iam being hypothetical ie part of the reason i put this post up in the first place was i have a freind who is whealchair bound and he gave me the same answer ie if someone showed him what his life would be like he wouldent want to live and choose not to be born
 
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Ricky123

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>lightNlife</b></i>

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Emily65Roses</b></i>



But then if I got raped and pregnant, I can honestly say I'd probably want to abort it. </end quote></div>



That's what I thought too when I was in that exact situation. However, I eventually realized that I didn't want to add more violence to the situation. I decided to make an adoption plan so that the child could grow up with the benefit of a 2 parent home where he would not have to compete with CF for my and my husband's time and energy.



<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Ricky123</b></i>



i bet many wouldent opt to come on this earth</end quote></div>



</end quote></div>



Huh? What a bizarre thing to say. It makes no sense and has absolutely no basis in reality.</end quote></div>

iam being hypothetical ie part of the reason i put this post up in the first place was i have a freind who is whealchair bound and he gave me the same answer ie if someone showed him what his life would be like he wouldent want to live and choose not to be born
 
R

Ricky123

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>lightNlife</b></i>

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Emily65Roses</b></i>



But then if I got raped and pregnant, I can honestly say I'd probably want to abort it. </end quote></div>



That's what I thought too when I was in that exact situation. However, I eventually realized that I didn't want to add more violence to the situation. I decided to make an adoption plan so that the child could grow up with the benefit of a 2 parent home where he would not have to compete with CF for my and my husband's time and energy.



<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Ricky123</b></i>



i bet many wouldent opt to come on this earth</end quote></div>



</end quote></div>



Huh? What a bizarre thing to say. It makes no sense and has absolutely no basis in reality.</end quote></div>

iam being hypothetical ie part of the reason i put this post up in the first place was i have a freind who is whealchair bound and he gave me the same answer ie if someone showed him what his life would be like he wouldent want to live and choose not to be born
 
J

Jennifer1981

New member
I have CF and have been trying to conceive. This is my viewpoint:

When my husband and I decided to try and have children, the first thing we did was get him tested for any of the carrier genes for CF. If he were to test positive for any gene of CF, we weren't going to try. That simple. He tested negative. So we decided to try.

I didn't/wouldn't ever give MY CHILD THIS DISEASE! I would not be able to sit by and watch my child suffer with this disease. Watch him/her huff and puff up staircases. Watch him/her never have any friends. Watch him/her's tears gush down his/her face time-after-time for disappointments, isolation from fellow peers, or during hospital admissions. I would not wish this disease on my worst enemy whether alone my own child!!!

I wouldn't allow myself to "just get pregnant". I wouldn't want to put myself in the situation of abortion or not. Honestly, I don't know if I could do it. Logically, I would say, "Yes, I would abort." But would I ever be able to live with myself afterwards??? So rather than put myself in that boat, I would choose to avoid it.

My mother and father took that 1 in 4 chance with my sister. They had no idea with me. There was no known family history. When they considered having my sister, they listened to the doctors you convinced them, "Oh, it's only a 1 in 4 chance. It won't happen again". Well, it did. My sister has CF. My mom and dad knew right after she was born. Do they regret having her? No. But they regret having taken that 1 in 4 chance. They regret giving her this dreadful disease that a cure never wants to be found for. MY MOTHER GOT HER TUBES TIED ONLY WEEKS AFTER HER BIRTH!!! SHE WOULD NOT CHANCE HAVING ANY FURTHER CHILDREN!!!

Do I regret being born? No. But I have mild CF, no diabetes, own my own home, have a wonderful marriage, trying to conceive, and had no way of knowing that I would have had CF. I do my treatments faithfully along with all my meds. I love my parents and hold no resentment.

Does my sister resent being born? Yes. She blames my parents for having her. She calls them idiots and many other things... She refuses do see her CF doc, take her meds, and do her treatments. She is 3 years younger than me and had milder CF until now. Now, she is worse than me, has full-blown diabetes, is married to a lazy bum, works 60 hours a week to pay the bills for her bum, and is not happy in her marriage but stays b/c she feels "no one else will want her".

So, CF has really rocked my family to the core. I've watched my parents nearly get divorced. I've watched them nearly lose our home. I've hid behind the closet door to hear the "real deal" about never having any money. I've watched my sister self-destruct in front of my eyes without being able to connect on any level. All I get is, "How would you know how it feels? You were the first-born?" I have no relationship with my sister. It's like not having a sibling at all... I've watched neither one of us have friends, get invited to sleepovers, or even get invited to a friend's house for a few hours. I've been watched half the family shun her as the "mistake".

Would I wish any of this on my child? NO WAY IN H*LL! I am not playing the lottery. I am talking about the life my child!!!
 
J

Jennifer1981

New member
I have CF and have been trying to conceive. This is my viewpoint:

When my husband and I decided to try and have children, the first thing we did was get him tested for any of the carrier genes for CF. If he were to test positive for any gene of CF, we weren't going to try. That simple. He tested negative. So we decided to try.

I didn't/wouldn't ever give MY CHILD THIS DISEASE! I would not be able to sit by and watch my child suffer with this disease. Watch him/her huff and puff up staircases. Watch him/her never have any friends. Watch him/her's tears gush down his/her face time-after-time for disappointments, isolation from fellow peers, or during hospital admissions. I would not wish this disease on my worst enemy whether alone my own child!!!

I wouldn't allow myself to "just get pregnant". I wouldn't want to put myself in the situation of abortion or not. Honestly, I don't know if I could do it. Logically, I would say, "Yes, I would abort." But would I ever be able to live with myself afterwards??? So rather than put myself in that boat, I would choose to avoid it.

My mother and father took that 1 in 4 chance with my sister. They had no idea with me. There was no known family history. When they considered having my sister, they listened to the doctors you convinced them, "Oh, it's only a 1 in 4 chance. It won't happen again". Well, it did. My sister has CF. My mom and dad knew right after she was born. Do they regret having her? No. But they regret having taken that 1 in 4 chance. They regret giving her this dreadful disease that a cure never wants to be found for. MY MOTHER GOT HER TUBES TIED ONLY WEEKS AFTER HER BIRTH!!! SHE WOULD NOT CHANCE HAVING ANY FURTHER CHILDREN!!!

Do I regret being born? No. But I have mild CF, no diabetes, own my own home, have a wonderful marriage, trying to conceive, and had no way of knowing that I would have had CF. I do my treatments faithfully along with all my meds. I love my parents and hold no resentment.

Does my sister resent being born? Yes. She blames my parents for having her. She calls them idiots and many other things... She refuses do see her CF doc, take her meds, and do her treatments. She is 3 years younger than me and had milder CF until now. Now, she is worse than me, has full-blown diabetes, is married to a lazy bum, works 60 hours a week to pay the bills for her bum, and is not happy in her marriage but stays b/c she feels "no one else will want her".

So, CF has really rocked my family to the core. I've watched my parents nearly get divorced. I've watched them nearly lose our home. I've hid behind the closet door to hear the "real deal" about never having any money. I've watched my sister self-destruct in front of my eyes without being able to connect on any level. All I get is, "How would you know how it feels? You were the first-born?" I have no relationship with my sister. It's like not having a sibling at all... I've watched neither one of us have friends, get invited to sleepovers, or even get invited to a friend's house for a few hours. I've been watched half the family shun her as the "mistake".

Would I wish any of this on my child? NO WAY IN H*LL! I am not playing the lottery. I am talking about the life my child!!!
 
J

Jennifer1981

New member
I have CF and have been trying to conceive. This is my viewpoint:

When my husband and I decided to try and have children, the first thing we did was get him tested for any of the carrier genes for CF. If he were to test positive for any gene of CF, we weren't going to try. That simple. He tested negative. So we decided to try.

I didn't/wouldn't ever give MY CHILD THIS DISEASE! I would not be able to sit by and watch my child suffer with this disease. Watch him/her huff and puff up staircases. Watch him/her never have any friends. Watch him/her's tears gush down his/her face time-after-time for disappointments, isolation from fellow peers, or during hospital admissions. I would not wish this disease on my worst enemy whether alone my own child!!!

I wouldn't allow myself to "just get pregnant". I wouldn't want to put myself in the situation of abortion or not. Honestly, I don't know if I could do it. Logically, I would say, "Yes, I would abort." But would I ever be able to live with myself afterwards??? So rather than put myself in that boat, I would choose to avoid it.

My mother and father took that 1 in 4 chance with my sister. They had no idea with me. There was no known family history. When they considered having my sister, they listened to the doctors you convinced them, "Oh, it's only a 1 in 4 chance. It won't happen again". Well, it did. My sister has CF. My mom and dad knew right after she was born. Do they regret having her? No. But they regret having taken that 1 in 4 chance. They regret giving her this dreadful disease that a cure never wants to be found for. MY MOTHER GOT HER TUBES TIED ONLY WEEKS AFTER HER BIRTH!!! SHE WOULD NOT CHANCE HAVING ANY FURTHER CHILDREN!!!

Do I regret being born? No. But I have mild CF, no diabetes, own my own home, have a wonderful marriage, trying to conceive, and had no way of knowing that I would have had CF. I do my treatments faithfully along with all my meds. I love my parents and hold no resentment.

Does my sister resent being born? Yes. She blames my parents for having her. She calls them idiots and many other things... She refuses do see her CF doc, take her meds, and do her treatments. She is 3 years younger than me and had milder CF until now. Now, she is worse than me, has full-blown diabetes, is married to a lazy bum, works 60 hours a week to pay the bills for her bum, and is not happy in her marriage but stays b/c she feels "no one else will want her".

So, CF has really rocked my family to the core. I've watched my parents nearly get divorced. I've watched them nearly lose our home. I've hid behind the closet door to hear the "real deal" about never having any money. I've watched my sister self-destruct in front of my eyes without being able to connect on any level. All I get is, "How would you know how it feels? You were the first-born?" I have no relationship with my sister. It's like not having a sibling at all... I've watched neither one of us have friends, get invited to sleepovers, or even get invited to a friend's house for a few hours. I've been watched half the family shun her as the "mistake".

Would I wish any of this on my child? NO WAY IN H*LL! I am not playing the lottery. I am talking about the life my child!!!
 
D

djotroy17

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>I think it is interesting that many responses seem to revolve around the fact that the parent would love the child no matter what and so of course they would have the baby and not so much focused on the life that child would have. </end quote></div>

Even if I knew the baby was going to suffer alot, I could and would not have an abortion. Suffering is a part of life, without suffering all the good stuff in life would be lame. Am I saying that I would want my child to suffer severely? No, not at all...I am saying I would want my child to experience life and do my best to give him as much happyness as I could. I don't see how aborting a child who has CF is any different then Uthanizing a teenager who is struggling hard with the disease and does not expect to live more then 5 more years.

Any parent can have their own personal opinion on this subject. However if the parent wanted to ask their child inside them if they wanted to live the life that was ahead of them, all you have to do is ask every CF patient on these forums if they wish their parents had gotten an abortion, and my guess is that 99% of the people are going to say no.
 
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djotroy17

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>I think it is interesting that many responses seem to revolve around the fact that the parent would love the child no matter what and so of course they would have the baby and not so much focused on the life that child would have. </end quote></div>

Even if I knew the baby was going to suffer alot, I could and would not have an abortion. Suffering is a part of life, without suffering all the good stuff in life would be lame. Am I saying that I would want my child to suffer severely? No, not at all...I am saying I would want my child to experience life and do my best to give him as much happyness as I could. I don't see how aborting a child who has CF is any different then Uthanizing a teenager who is struggling hard with the disease and does not expect to live more then 5 more years.

Any parent can have their own personal opinion on this subject. However if the parent wanted to ask their child inside them if they wanted to live the life that was ahead of them, all you have to do is ask every CF patient on these forums if they wish their parents had gotten an abortion, and my guess is that 99% of the people are going to say no.
 
D

djotroy17

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>I think it is interesting that many responses seem to revolve around the fact that the parent would love the child no matter what and so of course they would have the baby and not so much focused on the life that child would have. </end quote></div>

Even if I knew the baby was going to suffer alot, I could and would not have an abortion. Suffering is a part of life, without suffering all the good stuff in life would be lame. Am I saying that I would want my child to suffer severely? No, not at all...I am saying I would want my child to experience life and do my best to give him as much happyness as I could. I don't see how aborting a child who has CF is any different then Uthanizing a teenager who is struggling hard with the disease and does not expect to live more then 5 more years.

Any parent can have their own personal opinion on this subject. However if the parent wanted to ask their child inside them if they wanted to live the life that was ahead of them, all you have to do is ask every CF patient on these forums if they wish their parents had gotten an abortion, and my guess is that 99% of the people are going to say no.
 
D

djotroy17

New member
Also after reading your post Jennifer, I can respect that alot. If you would abort if your baby had CF, and there is a chance your baby could have CF and you still go through with trying to have a kid, then the parent is being selfish in my opinion. If abortion is going to be an option, just adopt =)
 
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djotroy17

New member
Also after reading your post Jennifer, I can respect that alot. If you would abort if your baby had CF, and there is a chance your baby could have CF and you still go through with trying to have a kid, then the parent is being selfish in my opinion. If abortion is going to be an option, just adopt =)
 
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djotroy17

New member
Also after reading your post Jennifer, I can respect that alot. If you would abort if your baby had CF, and there is a chance your baby could have CF and you still go through with trying to have a kid, then the parent is being selfish in my opinion. If abortion is going to be an option, just adopt =)
 
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Ricky123

New member
dytrov well i have disagree with you on that one i know someone with cf and they are quite bad and they wish they were never born i can understand if its a mild case but for those who have it bad its a different story why experience life if its going to be that uncomfortable
i think it ultimatly boils down down to your perspective
ie i know this is taking it to extremes but if we lived in africa a lot of us would not be here cos people with serious illnesses arent bothered about theres not enough money to fund the medicines
 
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Ricky123

New member
dytrov well i have disagree with you on that one i know someone with cf and they are quite bad and they wish they were never born i can understand if its a mild case but for those who have it bad its a different story why experience life if its going to be that uncomfortable
i think it ultimatly boils down down to your perspective
ie i know this is taking it to extremes but if we lived in africa a lot of us would not be here cos people with serious illnesses arent bothered about theres not enough money to fund the medicines
 
R

Ricky123

New member
dytrov well i have disagree with you on that one i know someone with cf and they are quite bad and they wish they were never born i can understand if its a mild case but for those who have it bad its a different story why experience life if its going to be that uncomfortable
i think it ultimatly boils down down to your perspective
ie i know this is taking it to extremes but if we lived in africa a lot of us would not be here cos people with serious illnesses arent bothered about theres not enough money to fund the medicines
 
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