Need to vent

Havoc · May 10, 2011

I'll be blatantly rude as well. One of the reasons that I have left most of the CF groups is the constant b*tching. I have CF, I get it, some days suck (at times everyday sucks). I spent 10 years as a paramedic and do you know what I learned? Everybody is up to their eyeballs in crap. It might be CF, financial difficulties, marital problems, addiction, mental problems, legal problems, or whatever. Everybody has something that they are dealing with and just because you have CF doesn't mean that you earn the right to b*tch more. You think CF sucks? Think about a patient I had regularly who was paralyzed from the chest down in an accident. He could do nothing for himself, just lay there all day every day, at least until his Foley got infected or he got bedsores and had to take a vacation to the hospital. So many people have it worse off than any of us here, what right do we have to wallow in our own pity? Scanboyd, I completely agree with you (and I am loving life). Suck it up kids and make the most out of the life you have.

ETA: I just re-read Scanboyd's post. I though it was really quite positive in it's message. It shows how easily people get their knickers in a bunch and the responses highlight how people would rather complain (or shoot the messenger) than look for the positive things in life.

hmw · May 10, 2011

People come to the CF boards because often it's the ONLY PLACE that anyone else understands what they go through (this applies to communities dedicated to any health condition.) Everywhere else in their life, they 'suck it up' and live their lives and do what they need to do, because it is what it is, there is no other choice and they have no desire to be miserable in their lives. Having a safe place to vent what they need, talk about reality is often what makes it possible to be functional and less about the illness or whatever the rest of the time. It's not fair to judge someone's entire outlook and how they live based on posts when they are not feeling well and we don't know the person in the context of the rest of their life. Having a place to vent does NOT mean you aren't making the most of the life you have or 'wallowing.'

And yeah, the 'perspective' thing. Yes, someone always has it worse and it is important to remember that. But it's demeaning to minimize the pain of anyone. Someone elses' suffering doesn't take away from what any of us are going through.

hmw · May 10, 2011

People come to the CF boards because often it's the ONLY PLACE that anyone else understands what they go through (this applies to communities dedicated to any health condition.) Everywhere else in their life, they 'suck it up' and live their lives and do what they need to do, because it is what it is, there is no other choice and they have no desire to be miserable in their lives. Having a safe place to vent what they need, talk about reality is often what makes it possible to be functional and less about the illness or whatever the rest of the time. It's not fair to judge someone's entire outlook and how they live based on posts when they are not feeling well and we don't know the person in the context of the rest of their life. Having a place to vent does NOT mean you aren't making the most of the life you have or 'wallowing.'

And yeah, the 'perspective' thing. Yes, someone always has it worse and it is important to remember that. But it's demeaning to minimize the pain of anyone. Someone elses' suffering doesn't take away from what any of us are going through.

hmw · May 10, 2011

People come to the CF boards because often it's the ONLY PLACE that anyone else understands what they go through (this applies to communities dedicated to any health condition.) Everywhere else in their life, they 'suck it up' and live their lives and do what they need to do, because it is what it is, there is no other choice and they have no desire to be miserable in their lives. Having a safe place to vent what they need, talk about reality is often what makes it possible to be functional and less about the illness or whatever the rest of the time. It's not fair to judge someone's entire outlook and how they live based on posts when they are not feeling well and we don't know the person in the context of the rest of their life. Having a place to vent does NOT mean you aren't making the most of the life you have or 'wallowing.'
 
 And yeah, the 'perspective' thing. Yes, someone always has it worse and it is important to remember that. But it's demeaning to minimize the pain of anyone. Someone elses' suffering doesn't take away from what any of us are going through.

Havoc · May 10, 2011

Is it also not demeaning to chastise a person who replies with a message intended to inspire hope? If I were Scanboyd, I'd be livid at the flaming his post has received. So, let me see if I understand. On this forum we are supposed to vent/complain and everyone else should then chime in with their vents, but nobody is supposed to offer a positive response or advice because we don't want to marginalize peoples pain? So the next time you go to the doc and your PFT's are down your doc says, "well I don't want to marginalize your pain, so I'm really not going to give you any advice or antibiotics, but my wife just left me and I had a flat tire this morning and then a bird pooped in my triple shot espresso. OMG my life sucks so bad." I realize that people need to vent. I read this thread when it was first posted and didn't have a problem with it. What got me was everyone flaming Scanboyd for actually posting something positive (oh the horror!) and I had to respond to hopefully show people how petty they are being (not the OP BTW, but those who continually flame). If more people had his outlook, the forum would be a much better place.

Havoc · May 10, 2011

Is it also not demeaning to chastise a person who replies with a message intended to inspire hope? If I were Scanboyd, I'd be livid at the flaming his post has received. So, let me see if I understand. On this forum we are supposed to vent/complain and everyone else should then chime in with their vents, but nobody is supposed to offer a positive response or advice because we don't want to marginalize peoples pain? So the next time you go to the doc and your PFT's are down your doc says, "well I don't want to marginalize your pain, so I'm really not going to give you any advice or antibiotics, but my wife just left me and I had a flat tire this morning and then a bird pooped in my triple shot espresso. OMG my life sucks so bad." I realize that people need to vent. I read this thread when it was first posted and didn't have a problem with it. What got me was everyone flaming Scanboyd for actually posting something positive (oh the horror!) and I had to respond to hopefully show people how petty they are being (not the OP BTW, but those who continually flame). If more people had his outlook, the forum would be a much better place.

Havoc · May 10, 2011

Is it also not demeaning to chastise a person who replies with a message intended to inspire hope? If I were Scanboyd, I'd be livid at the flaming his post has received. So, let me see if I understand. On this forum we are supposed to vent/complain and everyone else should then chime in with their vents, but nobody is supposed to offer a positive response or advice because we don't want to marginalize peoples pain? So the next time you go to the doc and your PFT's are down your doc says, "well I don't want to marginalize your pain, so I'm really not going to give you any advice or antibiotics, but my wife just left me and I had a flat tire this morning and then a bird pooped in my triple shot espresso. OMG my life sucks so bad." I realize that people need to vent. I read this thread when it was first posted and didn't have a problem with it. What got me was everyone flaming Scanboyd for actually posting something positive (oh the horror!) and I had to respond to hopefully show people how petty they are being (not the OP BTW, but those who continually flame). If more people had his outlook, the forum would be a much better place.

moxie1 · May 10, 2011

I don't usually get involved in these debates, but I just have to say shame on you all who attacked Scanboyd.
I'm not down on missT at all. It's okay to vent and have bad days. But it is wonderful that he stepped in and tried to encourage her. He encouraged me and I'm thankful for his post.
Having a chronic illness doesn't give you an automatic excuse to be hateful and rude. Havoc is right....everyone has their own cross to bear. One of my heroes is Nick Vujicic....he was born with no arms and no legs. Think about it for a second. NO ARMS and NO LEGS. Yet he is living life to the fullest and touching the lives of millions. He cannot control his circumstances and neither can we. We can however, control how we respond to those circumstances.

moxie1 · May 10, 2011

I don't usually get involved in these debates, but I just have to say shame on you all who attacked Scanboyd.
I'm not down on missT at all. It's okay to vent and have bad days. But it is wonderful that he stepped in and tried to encourage her. He encouraged me and I'm thankful for his post.
Having a chronic illness doesn't give you an automatic excuse to be hateful and rude. Havoc is right....everyone has their own cross to bear. One of my heroes is Nick Vujicic....he was born with no arms and no legs. Think about it for a second. NO ARMS and NO LEGS. Yet he is living life to the fullest and touching the lives of millions. He cannot control his circumstances and neither can we. We can however, control how we respond to those circumstances.

moxie1 · May 10, 2011

I don't usually get involved in these debates, but I just have to say shame on you all who attacked Scanboyd.
I'm not down on missT at all. It's okay to vent and have bad days. But it is wonderful that he stepped in and tried to encourage her. He encouraged me and I'm thankful for his post.
Having a chronic illness doesn't give you an automatic excuse to be hateful and rude. Havoc is right....everyone has their own cross to bear. One of my heroes is Nick Vujicic....he was born with no arms and no legs. Think about it for a second. NO ARMS and NO LEGS. Yet he is living life to the fullest and touching the lives of millions. He cannot control his circumstances and neither can we. We can however, control how we respond to those circumstances.

ej0820 · May 10, 2011

Posting a reply to the OP...
missT, I know exactly how you feel. I've been feeling the same as you for the last several weeks. My IVs aren't working and I'm going on O2 more often...trying to finish this semester up, wondering if it's even worth it to try and finish school because I don't really think I have the lung capacity to continue much longer (and then tolerate an acutal job in my field). I have those days where you wonder why you're even here because the sicker you are, the more useless you feel. I mean, I'm so thankful for my family and my fiance and the things they do for me (SO MUCH), but I hate that they have to do those things just for ME to function (I'm talking grocery shopping, laundry, etc.). Ugh...it can be exhausting. I don't really have any suggestions on dealing with it, I'm still working on that myself, but I wanted you to know that I completely understand in knowing how you are feeling right now.

ej0820 · May 10, 2011

Posting a reply to the OP...
missT, I know exactly how you feel. I've been feeling the same as you for the last several weeks. My IVs aren't working and I'm going on O2 more often...trying to finish this semester up, wondering if it's even worth it to try and finish school because I don't really think I have the lung capacity to continue much longer (and then tolerate an acutal job in my field). I have those days where you wonder why you're even here because the sicker you are, the more useless you feel. I mean, I'm so thankful for my family and my fiance and the things they do for me (SO MUCH), but I hate that they have to do those things just for ME to function (I'm talking grocery shopping, laundry, etc.). Ugh...it can be exhausting. I don't really have any suggestions on dealing with it, I'm still working on that myself, but I wanted you to know that I completely understand in knowing how you are feeling right now.

ej0820 · May 10, 2011

Posting a reply to the OP...
missT, I know exactly how you feel. I've been feeling the same as you for the last several weeks. My IVs aren't working and I'm going on O2 more often...trying to finish this semester up, wondering if it's even worth it to try and finish school because I don't really think I have the lung capacity to continue much longer (and then tolerate an acutal job in my field). I have those days where you wonder why you're even here because the sicker you are, the more useless you feel. I mean, I'm so thankful for my family and my fiance and the things they do for me (SO MUCH), but I hate that they have to do those things just for ME to function (I'm talking grocery shopping, laundry, etc.). Ugh...it can be exhausting. I don't really have any suggestions on dealing with it, I'm still working on that myself, but I wanted you to know that I completely understand in knowing how you are feeling right now.

missT · May 10, 2011

thank you all for your responses..I learn from everyone here. I understand and appreciate everyones opinions and I guess that I hit some buttons with my questioning of God (who i do have faith in). Sometimes I dont understand things and I analyze my life and I guess I compare to others. Yes, I do think about others who have it much worse then I do...to tell you the truth now I feel ashamed for posting. Yes, I can walk, talk, hear, taste, touch. Looking at me you would never know I have CF but this morning and every morning I spend the first hour on the marble floor of my bathroom throwing up mucus and gasping for air. I spend hours hooked up to a nebulizer, I spend even more time hooked up to the vest. I take more pills then I can count. I stuff myself with food to try to gain an ounce. I have to leave events if someone sneezes in fear that I will catch it. UGh! I can go on and on and on.....I should not vent...but I did...again, thanks to those who really tried to give me advice and support.

missT · May 10, 2011

thank you all for your responses..I learn from everyone here. I understand and appreciate everyones opinions and I guess that I hit some buttons with my questioning of God (who i do have faith in). Sometimes I dont understand things and I analyze my life and I guess I compare to others. Yes, I do think about others who have it much worse then I do...to tell you the truth now I feel ashamed for posting. Yes, I can walk, talk, hear, taste, touch. Looking at me you would never know I have CF but this morning and every morning I spend the first hour on the marble floor of my bathroom throwing up mucus and gasping for air. I spend hours hooked up to a nebulizer, I spend even more time hooked up to the vest. I take more pills then I can count. I stuff myself with food to try to gain an ounce. I have to leave events if someone sneezes in fear that I will catch it. UGh! I can go on and on and on.....I should not vent...but I did...again, thanks to those who really tried to give me advice and support.

missT · May 10, 2011

thank you all for your responses..I learn from everyone here. I understand and appreciate everyones opinions and I guess that I hit some buttons with my questioning of God (who i do have faith in). Sometimes I dont understand things and I analyze my life and I guess I compare to others. Yes, I do think about others who have it much worse then I do...to tell you the truth now I feel ashamed for posting. Yes, I can walk, talk, hear, taste, touch. Looking at me you would never know I have CF but this morning and every morning I spend the first hour on the marble floor of my bathroom throwing up mucus and gasping for air. I spend hours hooked up to a nebulizer, I spend even more time hooked up to the vest. I take more pills then I can count. I stuff myself with food to try to gain an ounce. I have to leave events if someone sneezes in fear that I will catch it. UGh! I can go on and on and on.....I should not vent...but I did...again, thanks to those who really tried to give me advice and support.

moxie1 · May 10, 2011

missT,
You have no reason to be ashamed for posting. You have no reason to be ashamed for venting. You have no reason to be ashamed even for your doubts about God. Even Jesus' disciples had doubts sometimes.
Everyone understands where you are coming from and you did nothing wrong!

moxie1 · May 10, 2011

missT,
You have no reason to be ashamed for posting. You have no reason to be ashamed for venting. Youhave no reason to be ashamed even for your doubts about God. EvenJesus' discipleshaddoubts sometimes.
Everyone understands where you are coming from and you did nothing wrong!

moxie1 · May 10, 2011

missT,
You have no reason to be ashamed for posting. You have no reason to be ashamed for venting. Youhave no reason to be ashamed even for your doubts about God. EvenJesus' discipleshaddoubts sometimes.
Everyone understands where you are coming from and you did nothing wrong!

kiwilady · May 10, 2011

Sadly, there will always be devided opinion and derision on a forum board. Venting once in a while can be a natural process of dealing with any current issue. I have found from experience that counselling can be an expensive option, however coming to our forum friends we are sometimes able to seek support and hopefully helpful advice. Miss T, I do hope you are feeling a little brighter today, I have had many a 'down' moment in my life, but somehow manage to focus on a more promising tomorrow. Finding a quiet space to read, listen to music or being absorbed in a regular hobby often helps when I'm feeling low. Eileen. <img src="i/expressions/sun.gif" border="0">

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