Teacher 'outed' my daughter!

[ReneeP]

I can certainly sympathize with you here. My daughter is in the 6th grade and would feel that her world were ending if her teacher told everyone she had CF. And I would be highly pissed off. I wouldn't make a huge deal out of it now because it's over with and there's nothing you can do. It may turn out to be a good thing because maybe your daughter will realize her fears were unfounded and that people are not going to treat her differently.

I have tried and tried and tried to convince Kaitlyn that having CF is nothing to hide. I have encouraged her to be open and talk about it... but there is a point where you have to respect their wishes. She doesn't want to be treated differently. She doesn't want people to feel sorry for her. That's her right.

I HATE it when people try to make you feel like you are a bad parent because your children don't feel exactly the way they do. Just because your child doesn't want people to know she has CF doesn't mean you have done something wrong as a parent. Please don't let people who live in a "perfect world bubble" make you feel that way. Your child has the right to feel the way she feels and it doesn't mean you caused it. I know I have NEVER acted like CF was a bad thing. And my other daughter is very open about having CF. Every individual is different.

 

[ReneeP]

I can certainly sympathize with you here. My daughter is in the 6th grade and would feel that her world were ending if her teacher told everyone she had CF. And I would be highly pissed off. I wouldn't make a huge deal out of it now because it's over with and there's nothing you can do. It may turn out to be a good thing because maybe your daughter will realize her fears were unfounded and that people are not going to treat her differently.

I have tried and tried and tried to convince Kaitlyn that having CF is nothing to hide. I have encouraged her to be open and talk about it... but there is a point where you have to respect their wishes. She doesn't want to be treated differently. She doesn't want people to feel sorry for her. That's her right.

I HATE it when people try to make you feel like you are a bad parent because your children don't feel exactly the way they do. Just because your child doesn't want people to know she has CF doesn't mean you have done something wrong as a parent. Please don't let people who live in a "perfect world bubble" make you feel that way. Your child has the right to feel the way she feels and it doesn't mean you caused it. I know I have NEVER acted like CF was a bad thing. And my other daughter is very open about having CF. Every individual is different.

 

[lightNlife]

I was fine with the fact of having CF and wasn't ashamed of it. However, people deal with information very poorly, and that is why being "outed" by my homeroom teacher in jr. high was especially mortifying. I had one girl tell me that her mom said she shouldn't be friends with me because I was going to die. How's that for sensitive?

It was never a secret that I had CF. I went to a tiny private school where you couldn't poop without everyone knowing what color it was. There's a huge difference between people "knowing" about CF, and people "understanding" about CF. Sadly, many people who know about it are intensely ignorant about it.

As a student I preferred to be the once receiving an education. I didn't like having to waste precious time and energy defending my absences or explaining why I wasn't in P.E. I didn't hide CF, but I resented that it became a focal point to the point of interfering (at times) with my education.

 

[lightNlife]

I was fine with the fact of having CF and wasn't ashamed of it. However, people deal with information very poorly, and that is why being "outed" by my homeroom teacher in jr. high was especially mortifying. I had one girl tell me that her mom said she shouldn't be friends with me because I was going to die. How's that for sensitive?

It was never a secret that I had CF. I went to a tiny private school where you couldn't poop without everyone knowing what color it was. There's a huge difference between people "knowing" about CF, and people "understanding" about CF. Sadly, many people who know about it are intensely ignorant about it.

As a student I preferred to be the once receiving an education. I didn't like having to waste precious time and energy defending my absences or explaining why I wasn't in P.E. I didn't hide CF, but I resented that it became a focal point to the point of interfering (at times) with my education.

 

[lightNlife]

I was fine with the fact of having CF and wasn't ashamed of it. However, people deal with information very poorly, and that is why being "outed" by my homeroom teacher in jr. high was especially mortifying. I had one girl tell me that her mom said she shouldn't be friends with me because I was going to die. How's that for sensitive?

It was never a secret that I had CF. I went to a tiny private school where you couldn't poop without everyone knowing what color it was. There's a huge difference between people "knowing" about CF, and people "understanding" about CF. Sadly, many people who know about it are intensely ignorant about it.

As a student I preferred to be the once receiving an education. I didn't like having to waste precious time and energy defending my absences or explaining why I wasn't in P.E. I didn't hide CF, but I resented that it became a focal point to the point of interfering (at times) with my education.

 

[Jane]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>sakasuka</b></i>

she won't feel different if you don't let her feel different.

if you raise her with confidence that CF doesn't make you different, then she won't feel different..... parenting is everything.</end quote></div>

I have to disagree Amy. Kids feel different for many reasons...they have freckles, braces, are tall or short. It IS about self esteem. Some kids have great self esteem, some don't, regardless of their CF. We also raised our kids to be open about their CF. We treated everything openly and matter-of-factly. We told everyone, we gave the boys enzymes IN PUBLIC, they did PT when we had people visiting. School friends used to fight over who would get to go to the nurse to help Josh with enzymes. They brought their x-rays in to show the class. All cool with them, when they were young.

When Josh got to be about 12, he became very self-conscious about his CF issues and we honored his need for privacy. We continued to let teachers/coaches know via letter, but other than that, we stayed out of it. It was <i><b>his</b></i> choice since its <i><b>his</b></i> disease. I don't believe that his turn-around was due to poor parenting, I think it was just normal pre-teen insecurity.

When he was in 7th grade and in a new school, he had a similar thing happen as what Jessica's mom described. Josh had an oral presentation for health class on a disease. He picked CF. It was a research assignment and was not supposed to be autobiographical. At the end of his presentation they asked the question "do you know anyone with this illness?". Josh answered "yes, my brother". The teacher then made him admit to the class that HE also had CF!

Josh never told us about this until this year after revealing to his counselor that it was the worst experience of his life. If I had known then, I would have spoken to the teacher about it. Now I have a line in Josh's 504 plan about being discreet about his illness and honoring his need for privacy.

I obviously believe that good parenting is essential to having healthy thinking kids, but good parenting can't fix everything.

I am confident that we've given our kids a good foundation. Hopefully it will help them later on.

 

[Jane]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>sakasuka</b></i>

she won't feel different if you don't let her feel different.

if you raise her with confidence that CF doesn't make you different, then she won't feel different..... parenting is everything.</end quote></div>

I have to disagree Amy. Kids feel different for many reasons...they have freckles, braces, are tall or short. It IS about self esteem. Some kids have great self esteem, some don't, regardless of their CF. We also raised our kids to be open about their CF. We treated everything openly and matter-of-factly. We told everyone, we gave the boys enzymes IN PUBLIC, they did PT when we had people visiting. School friends used to fight over who would get to go to the nurse to help Josh with enzymes. They brought their x-rays in to show the class. All cool with them, when they were young.

When Josh got to be about 12, he became very self-conscious about his CF issues and we honored his need for privacy. We continued to let teachers/coaches know via letter, but other than that, we stayed out of it. It was <i><b>his</b></i> choice since its <i><b>his</b></i> disease. I don't believe that his turn-around was due to poor parenting, I think it was just normal pre-teen insecurity.

When he was in 7th grade and in a new school, he had a similar thing happen as what Jessica's mom described. Josh had an oral presentation for health class on a disease. He picked CF. It was a research assignment and was not supposed to be autobiographical. At the end of his presentation they asked the question "do you know anyone with this illness?". Josh answered "yes, my brother". The teacher then made him admit to the class that HE also had CF!

Josh never told us about this until this year after revealing to his counselor that it was the worst experience of his life. If I had known then, I would have spoken to the teacher about it. Now I have a line in Josh's 504 plan about being discreet about his illness and honoring his need for privacy.

I obviously believe that good parenting is essential to having healthy thinking kids, but good parenting can't fix everything.

I am confident that we've given our kids a good foundation. Hopefully it will help them later on.

 

[Jane]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>sakasuka</b></i>

she won't feel different if you don't let her feel different.

if you raise her with confidence that CF doesn't make you different, then she won't feel different..... parenting is everything.</end quote></div>

I have to disagree Amy. Kids feel different for many reasons...they have freckles, braces, are tall or short. It IS about self esteem. Some kids have great self esteem, some don't, regardless of their CF. We also raised our kids to be open about their CF. We treated everything openly and matter-of-factly. We told everyone, we gave the boys enzymes IN PUBLIC, they did PT when we had people visiting. School friends used to fight over who would get to go to the nurse to help Josh with enzymes. They brought their x-rays in to show the class. All cool with them, when they were young.

When Josh got to be about 12, he became very self-conscious about his CF issues and we honored his need for privacy. We continued to let teachers/coaches know via letter, but other than that, we stayed out of it. It was <i><b>his</b></i> choice since its <i><b>his</b></i> disease. I don't believe that his turn-around was due to poor parenting, I think it was just normal pre-teen insecurity.

When he was in 7th grade and in a new school, he had a similar thing happen as what Jessica's mom described. Josh had an oral presentation for health class on a disease. He picked CF. It was a research assignment and was not supposed to be autobiographical. At the end of his presentation they asked the question "do you know anyone with this illness?". Josh answered "yes, my brother". The teacher then made him admit to the class that HE also had CF!

Josh never told us about this until this year after revealing to his counselor that it was the worst experience of his life. If I had known then, I would have spoken to the teacher about it. Now I have a line in Josh's 504 plan about being discreet about his illness and honoring his need for privacy.

I obviously believe that good parenting is essential to having healthy thinking kids, but good parenting can't fix everything.

I am confident that we've given our kids a good foundation. Hopefully it will help them later on.

 

[Jane]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>ReneeP</b></i>


I HATE it when people try to make you feel like you are a bad parent because your children don't feel exactly the way they do. Just because your child doesn't want people to know she has CF doesn't mean you have done something wrong as a parent. Please don't let people who live in a "perfect world bubble" make you feel that way. Your child has the right to feel the way she feels and it doesn't mean you caused it. I know I have NEVER acted like CF was a bad thing. And my other daughter is very open about having CF. Every individual is different.</end quote></div>

Well put, Thanks Renee

 

[Jane]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>ReneeP</b></i>


I HATE it when people try to make you feel like you are a bad parent because your children don't feel exactly the way they do. Just because your child doesn't want people to know she has CF doesn't mean you have done something wrong as a parent. Please don't let people who live in a "perfect world bubble" make you feel that way. Your child has the right to feel the way she feels and it doesn't mean you caused it. I know I have NEVER acted like CF was a bad thing. And my other daughter is very open about having CF. Every individual is different.</end quote></div>

Well put, Thanks Renee

 

[Jane]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>ReneeP</b></i>


I HATE it when people try to make you feel like you are a bad parent because your children don't feel exactly the way they do. Just because your child doesn't want people to know she has CF doesn't mean you have done something wrong as a parent. Please don't let people who live in a "perfect world bubble" make you feel that way. Your child has the right to feel the way she feels and it doesn't mean you caused it. I know I have NEVER acted like CF was a bad thing. And my other daughter is very open about having CF. Every individual is different.</end quote></div>

Well put, Thanks Renee

 

[ReneeP]

Right back at ya, Jane! I appreciate your comments as well.

I get so upset when people judge other people as parents. It's just ignorant. I thought I was a perfect parent too when all I had was one child and he was 2 or 3 years old... heck, where's the challenge in that? When you have raised a couple of kids to at least 18, and at least one of them has a chronic illness, then you can start giving parenting advice... but not until then.

 

[ReneeP]

Right back at ya, Jane! I appreciate your comments as well.

I get so upset when people judge other people as parents. It's just ignorant. I thought I was a perfect parent too when all I had was one child and he was 2 or 3 years old... heck, where's the challenge in that? When you have raised a couple of kids to at least 18, and at least one of them has a chronic illness, then you can start giving parenting advice... but not until then.

 

[ReneeP]

Right back at ya, Jane! I appreciate your comments as well.

I get so upset when people judge other people as parents. It's just ignorant. I thought I was a perfect parent too when all I had was one child and he was 2 or 3 years old... heck, where's the challenge in that? When you have raised a couple of kids to at least 18, and at least one of them has a chronic illness, then you can start giving parenting advice... but not until then.

 

[Emily65Roses]

I may not be any help in how to potty train a child, or when their bedtime should be... but if we're talking about any aspect of CF, my two cents are still worth sharing. *shrug*

 

[Emily65Roses]

I may not be any help in how to potty train a child, or when their bedtime should be... but if we're talking about any aspect of CF, my two cents are still worth sharing. *shrug*

 

[Emily65Roses]

I may not be any help in how to potty train a child, or when their bedtime should be... but if we're talking about any aspect of CF, my two cents are still worth sharing. *shrug*

 

[Scarlett81]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>sakasuka</b></i>

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>janddburke</b></i>







any feedback is greatfully appreciated.</end quote></div>





Your kid is going to grow up to be ashamed of having CF if you treat it like a secret.



You're setting your kid up for some serious self esteem issues if you are always trying to cover up and keep secret the fact that she has CF.



So she has CF. So everyone knows. Big deal.



</end quote></div>
Ok drumroll please.....I actually couldn't agree more with Amy, and this doesn't happen often as she will attest to! LOL.

Now to be serious, I'm trying to put myself in your place as a mother. Yes I can see why you'd be mad, and understand how the protective side of you would come out. But just speaking as a cfer with experience in this, I'm really concerned that she is growing up with the idea that her cf is embarassing or shameful. If she was embarassed that the teacher told everyone I don't think thats a good sign. When I was in school I remember the teacher made a similar announcement, and the whole class sent me cards in the hosp. My mom was supportive and happy when I received them.

You have to remember this teacher's motive-I'm sure she was saying it out of care and concern for you daughter. I'm certain she didn't get up and decide-you know what, I'm gonna violate a hippa regulation today and tell everyone her private business. That doesn't make sense. I'm sure she wanted to tell the class, be supportive of this girl, be kind, she has a serious illness and is out bc of this...another thing is with kids of school age when one misses alot of school, kids start talking and teasing and making up rumors...she probably helped squash alot of that garbage by saying you know what guys, she has cf, so be compasisonate.

Cf isn't something that you have to be proud of and wear your cf badge with honor, but you shouldn't be ashamed! That really can carry big emotional problems into your adulthood-believe me. With all due respect, and I really do mean that, the best thing you can do when your kid comes home and tells you that this happened is say, so what honey-she was just trying to be nice, you have nothing to be embarrassed about. And blow it off. Just like that. I think the worst thing you can do is make a stink, call the school, bring up hipaa laws, threaten the teacher....believe me it will translate to your daughter-my mom wants my cf to be secretive bc she thinks its shameful....not, my mom is doing this bc she wants to protect me. (even if that it only your motive which of course I'm sure it is)

Just my thoughts, and really only trying to be heplful.

 

[Scarlett81]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>sakasuka</b></i>

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>janddburke</b></i>







any feedback is greatfully appreciated.</end quote></div>





Your kid is going to grow up to be ashamed of having CF if you treat it like a secret.



You're setting your kid up for some serious self esteem issues if you are always trying to cover up and keep secret the fact that she has CF.



So she has CF. So everyone knows. Big deal.



</end quote></div>
Ok drumroll please.....I actually couldn't agree more with Amy, and this doesn't happen often as she will attest to! LOL.

Now to be serious, I'm trying to put myself in your place as a mother. Yes I can see why you'd be mad, and understand how the protective side of you would come out. But just speaking as a cfer with experience in this, I'm really concerned that she is growing up with the idea that her cf is embarassing or shameful. If she was embarassed that the teacher told everyone I don't think thats a good sign. When I was in school I remember the teacher made a similar announcement, and the whole class sent me cards in the hosp. My mom was supportive and happy when I received them.

You have to remember this teacher's motive-I'm sure she was saying it out of care and concern for you daughter. I'm certain she didn't get up and decide-you know what, I'm gonna violate a hippa regulation today and tell everyone her private business. That doesn't make sense. I'm sure she wanted to tell the class, be supportive of this girl, be kind, she has a serious illness and is out bc of this...another thing is with kids of school age when one misses alot of school, kids start talking and teasing and making up rumors...she probably helped squash alot of that garbage by saying you know what guys, she has cf, so be compasisonate.

Cf isn't something that you have to be proud of and wear your cf badge with honor, but you shouldn't be ashamed! That really can carry big emotional problems into your adulthood-believe me. With all due respect, and I really do mean that, the best thing you can do when your kid comes home and tells you that this happened is say, so what honey-she was just trying to be nice, you have nothing to be embarrassed about. And blow it off. Just like that. I think the worst thing you can do is make a stink, call the school, bring up hipaa laws, threaten the teacher....believe me it will translate to your daughter-my mom wants my cf to be secretive bc she thinks its shameful....not, my mom is doing this bc she wants to protect me. (even if that it only your motive which of course I'm sure it is)

Just my thoughts, and really only trying to be heplful.

 

[Scarlett81]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>sakasuka</b></i>

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>janddburke</b></i>







any feedback is greatfully appreciated.</end quote></div>





Your kid is going to grow up to be ashamed of having CF if you treat it like a secret.



You're setting your kid up for some serious self esteem issues if you are always trying to cover up and keep secret the fact that she has CF.



So she has CF. So everyone knows. Big deal.



</end quote></div>
Ok drumroll please.....I actually couldn't agree more with Amy, and this doesn't happen often as she will attest to! LOL.

Now to be serious, I'm trying to put myself in your place as a mother. Yes I can see why you'd be mad, and understand how the protective side of you would come out. But just speaking as a cfer with experience in this, I'm really concerned that she is growing up with the idea that her cf is embarassing or shameful. If she was embarassed that the teacher told everyone I don't think thats a good sign. When I was in school I remember the teacher made a similar announcement, and the whole class sent me cards in the hosp. My mom was supportive and happy when I received them.

You have to remember this teacher's motive-I'm sure she was saying it out of care and concern for you daughter. I'm certain she didn't get up and decide-you know what, I'm gonna violate a hippa regulation today and tell everyone her private business. That doesn't make sense. I'm sure she wanted to tell the class, be supportive of this girl, be kind, she has a serious illness and is out bc of this...another thing is with kids of school age when one misses alot of school, kids start talking and teasing and making up rumors...she probably helped squash alot of that garbage by saying you know what guys, she has cf, so be compasisonate.

Cf isn't something that you have to be proud of and wear your cf badge with honor, but you shouldn't be ashamed! That really can carry big emotional problems into your adulthood-believe me. With all due respect, and I really do mean that, the best thing you can do when your kid comes home and tells you that this happened is say, so what honey-she was just trying to be nice, you have nothing to be embarrassed about. And blow it off. Just like that. I think the worst thing you can do is make a stink, call the school, bring up hipaa laws, threaten the teacher....believe me it will translate to your daughter-my mom wants my cf to be secretive bc she thinks its shameful....not, my mom is doing this bc she wants to protect me. (even if that it only your motive which of course I'm sure it is)

Just my thoughts, and really only trying to be heplful.